This is my “You can stop saying this now because we all know it isn’t true” post in response to (more than one) individuals’ continual social media overshares about being “over it.” It’s a lesson I had to learn for myself, and one I share in hopes others can be honest enough with themselves to say “Ya know what? I’m not over it yet. And that’s ok.”
Signs You’re Not “Over It.”
1) Posting on social media that you’re “Over it/him/her.”
2) Continuing to refer to the event/person using derogatory words.
3) Passive aggressively punishing the offender that you insist you’ve “forgiven.”
If you are still doing one or more of the above, you are not “over it.” The only person you’re fooling is yourself.
But guess what? You don’t have to be over it yet. Who put your grief and pain on a timeline? Is someone telling you to hurry up and “get over it?” If so, that person is a jerk that needs a lesson in empathy. Plain & simple. Do you need to heal? Yes. Do you need to let go so you can move forward? Yes. You need to do that…but for yourself, not for anyone else.
Nobody grieves the same way. You and a friend may have a shared pain, and you may heal twice as fast as your friend…and that’s ok. She may heal faster than you…and that’s ok.
What’s not ok is to lie to yourself and say you’re “over it” when you clearly are. not. over it. What’s not ok is to keep punishing the offender or referring to the person/event using derogatory words. Why stoop to that level? Come on, you’re better than that. Don’t respond to hurt with hate. Nobody wins that game.
Instead of crying “I’m over it,” call it what it is. It’s ok to say “I’m in pain.” It’s ok to say “I am suffering.” You don’t necessarily need to share that with everyone on the interwebs, but you do need to be able to say it out loud to yourself. Once you truly identify and name your feeling, THEN you can start to heal. Ignoring the true pain and rushing yourself through the process is only going to leave you in a state of emotional paralysis. Staying in that emotional paralysis & not letting go of the past keeps you from recognizing & enjoying future blessings. Come on, friend. Don’t rob yourself of blessings. Stop trying to fool yourself, do the work, and take as much time you need. OH, and don’t be afraid to ask for help. Therapy is your friend. There is zero shame in getting therapy. You want to better yourself, heal and care for yourself by getting help from an objective, trained sounding board? Good on you, friend. Good.on.you. Again, anyone that tells you differently is an ass. You’d get a mechanic to fix the wear and tear on your car, so why wouldn’t you get a therapist to help fix the wear and tear on your life? You’re certainly worth more than a damn car. Do you need help? Get that help. You’re worth it.
When you have truly worked through your pain and can let it go, THEN you are over it.
How do you know if you’re REALLY “over it?”
1) You don’t feel the need to announce to the world that you are “over it.”
2) You don’t feel the need to refer to the event or person using derogatory names. If you’re really lucky, you don’t feel the need to mention that event or person at all.
3) You no longer punish yourself or the offender.
4) You finally stop looking behind you, and start looking forward to what lies ahead.
When you no longer give your precious time and energy to the person or event that caused you pain, THEN, my dear, you are “over it.” Then you are free.