Opening Night Thoughts


My morning thoughts, from the time I woke up until I got into the shower:

  • OMG CHARLEY HORSE IN BOTH LEGS
  • I need to get black out shades.
  • Is that what they’re called?
  • It’s way too early & too bright.
  • Get off me, Stella.
  • OMG SERIOUSLY, CHARLEY HORSE.
  • I need to put a whole banana in my shake this morning. Maybe two.
  • Are they fracking in Walnut Cove?
  • Did I read that?
  • I wonder if flames are going to shoot out of people’s faucets.
  • Flaming showers?
  • Yikes.
  • Why is my left knee so sore?
  • WHY AM I WALKING LIKE NEIL?
  • When did I get old?
  • How much salt did I eat yesterday?
  • I need to hydrate.
  • Why is it called Smart Water?
  • Marketing!
  • It’s Opening Night!
  • It’s Opening Night & my knees don’t work!
  • Shit.
  • I’m so glad I have a dishwasher.
  • Are we in a drought or just the West Coast?
  • My grass looks like crap.
  • Why are the dogs barking?
  • I’m hungry.
  • How many calories did I have yesterday?
  • Not enough, clearly.
  • I want caprese after the show.
  • I want steak now.
  • Why is there no red meat in my fridge?
  • Ooh! Hard boiled egg whites!
  • Still not steak.
  • Didn’t I JUST get a massage?
  • DAMMIT, KNEES.
  • Why am I out of cream?
  • I need to check my tomatoes.
  • That requires real clothes.
  • Later.
  • Maybe I can do some yoga at lunch.
  • It’s too quiet in here.
  • What song shall I sing for mic check tonite?
  • Get it together, Pandora.
  • How much caffeine is in this cold brew concentrate?
  • Is that a spider bite?
  • I hope I get spidey sense & super powers.
  • Especially the kind that FIX MY STUPID KNEES.
  • I bet spiders don’t have this problem.
  • Do spiders have knees?
  • I should’ve ordered twice as much Deep Blue.
  • I’m gonna smell like an old lady all day.
  • How long is David at Disney?
  • I wanna go back to Disney.
  • I’ma need a hover round if I go, CUZ KNEES.
  • Do they even make hover rounds anymore?
  • Geodesic domes are cool.
  • I wonder if blue prints for Epcot are online.
  • Science!
  • Einstein was a perv.
  • Um, Bucky Fuller designed the geodesic dome, Suzanne, not Einstein.
  • Get it together.
  • Maybe I shouldn’t read Cracked articles before I go to bed at night.
  • But they’re so informative & hilarious!
  • Unicorns ARE jerks.
  • I gotta buy crayons.
  • Ooh, Jenga!
  • Hurry up, Sangria. I need a shower.
  • Wait…fracking?
  • The hell?
  • DAMMIT, KNEES.
  • I really need to do some yoga.
  • But first, shower!
  • UGH I need to shave.
  • I wish my legs popped off like Barbie legs.
  • Shaving would be easier if I had removable legs.
  • Do cyborgs have removable limbs?
  • Cyborgs are not real things, Suzanne.
  • Get it together, woman.

And this is what it’s like to wake up inside my head on the morning of opening night. Not one thing about lines, choreography, or harmonies, but plenty about spider bites, cyborgs & flames shooting out of faucets, cuz LOGIC.

Wait.

CYBORG SPIDERS WITH FLAME THROWERS AS WEAPONS.

I gotta go find some more coffee. How much caffeine is in the cold brew? Not enough, apparently. Not nearly enough.

Clearly.

Clearly.